These were the last words I ever got to share with my Mama...I am Eternally grateful to my Baby Brother John...for having the strength and the love to sit by her bedside, holding her hand...and reading my heart to her...Knowing I wouldn't get there in time to say Goodbye in person...For that- and so much more- I am forever grateful John...
First- I say this because I know you will fight with all you have- and I hope you will be around for years to continue to lead and love our family.
But if God has other plans- then I need to say a few things.
Thank you: for teaching me to live life with grace, a heart of kindness, a love of God, and an undying faith.
Thank you for teaching me how to fight- for my life, my health, my children
Thank you for showing me strength in Grace and a heart for God
Thank you for teaching me how to cook, bake, host a party, sew and craft almost everything I lay my eyes/hands on.
Thank you for giving me a green thumb- and for teaching me a love of nature, gardens and Gods beauty in the flowers of life.
Thank you for passing down a love of music, of cooking
You showed me how to raise Godly daughters who are not afraid to stand up for what they believe or for who they love.
You helped give me the strength to raise my daughters to be stronger than their abuser~ I truly believe they would never have survived the damage he did to them without the love, support, courage and financial help you gave to the fight for so many years.
Thank you.
I Love you
I'm proud to be your daughter.
Thank you- for the prayers- the endless prayers I know you have sent up on my behalf and on that of the 3 angels God entrusted to me.
When they told me I had blood clots in my lungs...and cancer, and sepsis, and MRSA, and pneumonia/ time and again...I could feel your prayers...and it was your voice I heard when my 5 year old little girl looked at me after I had been in the hospital for 6 weeks and told me she was afraid and asked me what she could do...and I told her the 3 words that have been our motto our whole life...
Trust in God.
Trust in God
Trust in God
That has brought is thru every battle Mama, every illness, disease and pain- every surgery and transfusion - every new condition that has appeared on my horizon- not only frightening me- but I know ripping away a little of the fabric of security my girls felt growing up. Trust In God.
I don't know how many times I have said it- prayed it- chanted it- wept it...and how many times it was the last cry of my heart before I was ready to give up...and God stepped in.
You endowed me with that strength Mama. You led me to that place of faith- and because of that - you gave my girls hope to cling to.
You gave me a foundation in Jesus Christ and in faith that can never be shaken- and empowered and encouraged me to pass that down to my daughters. They aren't perfect Mama- but they are women of God- and they are women who love their Grammy with their whole heart.
You encouraged my gift...as I discovered it...and were always my greatest fan. When I fight each time my lungs are failing- to find the song that still remains in them...you are there with me.
When I lift my voice in praise to God- when the words come from a place I can't describe-you are there. When I am still fighting after 15 years of oxygen, breathing treatments, and scarring...you are there. I see your face in that pew...smiling thru all of the sour notes that Anita and I used to hit...all of the songs that were "close"...and the moments when the spirit moved and the music was really blessed. You are there.
When I hear "Wasted Years", "The Warrior is a Child", "Do I Trust You", "Precious Memories", "Go Rest High", "Thank You" or "Jesus Hold My Hand"...or when I sing any of the songs God gave me...you are there. I see your smile and I feel your joy.
When I make a pot of spaghetti, or a batch of fried chicken...or when I cook a holiday meal- or make our Christmas cookies - you are there.
You are so much a fabric of my being that I wouldn't begin to know who I am without you- and yet- I can't imagine not making sure that you KNOW this.
When I know that comfort food consists of graham crackers with chocolate frosting when you are a little girl...and spice tea when you have a sore throat...you are with me.
When my beautiful girls find the love of their life...and are ready to walk down the aisle and start families of their own- I pray with all the strength God has given me you will be there smiling on the front row...but regardless, you are there.
And when I send my youngest daughter out into the world in 3 months...and begin a new chapter of life on my own- with the hope of finding love again- I hope he is a man of God- I pray that I am able to find a love one day that is as strong, enduring, faithful, fun, affectionate and passionate - as full of friendship and faith- as the love you and Daddy have for each other- and for the example you showed us. I may not have been able to give my girls the example of a happy healthy marriage- but they saw it in spades every time they looked at you and their beloved Papa.
You are my hero Mama. You showed me how to be a lady, a wife, a mother, a fighter, a survivor, a woman of God. I am not perfect...but I am a child of God you have taught me to Trust in with my whole being...
For the times you were disappointed in me- I am sorry
For the times I let you down- I am sorry.
For the times I made you angry- I am sorry
I love you.
Love, Miki
